It's hard for us to avoid dealing with people, even if we prefer to be alone. We have to purchase the goods for our living, meet service providers of utilities, meet clients to solve issues, .etc. Although we can reduce a lot of those events by utilising the power of technology, we still have to keep our sense of meeting and dealing with people. 

There are all sorts of people in this world, most people will have their own agenda when dealing with people(I'm not talking about the time we have fun with friends). When dealing with people as an adult, there are never lack of agenda or hidden agenda behind it. Let me give an example, a friend that didn't contact me for years suddenly called me out for a drink and chit chat. At first, I was so excited about the chit chat about the good memory and we did have some good talk about our life as student until the agenda came out. The main motive for that drink and chit chat was to sell or introduce the product they were selling. Even if I explained I don't need that product, they will try to penetrate your network, try to introduce to your work environment or friends. I believed some of you have the similar experience as I have on this one. 

Another example, as a service provider, I experienced quite a number of requests for free service. They didn't request me to give free service directly but asking for help for their own benefits. If you were to charge them for the service, they will say "It's just some time taken only, no cost from your side.". Well, these people really expect others time has no value. Next time if I meet this kind of people again, I would request for their free service as well by paying only their cost. Let see, what's their response.

Years ago, I tried to change other people's mindset towards the mindset that I have at that time, those incidents taught me never try to change other people's mindset. I thought I was trying to help others by putting my mindset to their situation, I didn't think of what they were going through and how they want to live their life. I realised my mistake after one incident when someone tried to put their mindset toward my situation. That was one of the great lesson to me, never try to change other people.

3 lessons on dealing with people.

1.    Don't try to change other people

Everyone has their right to live their way. No matter how great a thing is for us, it might not be good for others, to make it worse, that thing might hurt both parties when we try to implement it. Instead of changing other people, I will try to change myself. We can control what we gonna do and think but we wouldn't be able to control what other people think and do.  

2.   Be nice with limitation

It's good to be nice with other people but don't give the opportunity for other people to utilise us for their own benefits. I will be nice to the people that I just know and try to help on what I can but with limitation. There is a counter for the help that I gonna provide. If they did the same to me or others, like they will do something in return or help other people, I will reset the counter and provide more help. I don't have that much of time and resource to help someone that will only get help for their own and never try to help other people, in other words, those who are pure "taker". I choose to "give" and not expecting a return but I have to know that the people I "give" need to be a "giver" as well. My resource is limited and takers most likely won't be satisfied with what they "take", they will keep asking for more. So, be nice to the right people, if not sure whether they are the right people, be nice with limitation. Don't get harm from being nice to others.

3.   Stop worrying about what other people think or say about ourselves

I used to keep worrying about what others think of me, I'm afraid of hurting someone accidentally due to what I said or done. The truth is I'm not that important till I'm able to hurt someone. If I found out that I hurt someone accidentally, I will revise what I have done and try not to make the same mistake again. Even if I didn't do anything wrong, other people will talk behind me. There are probably story version A to Z about me, I even confuse whether the story is talking about me when I heard about it. So, I learned to ignore those "noise" to keep the peace in my mind (refer to my other article on how I do it).